Thursday, August 20, 2009 ' 5:44 PM ♥
it's been ages since i touched my penknife
but i really dont wanna touch it again
but i cnt help it
i hate myself
i hate myself for being so stupid and useless
yitian just asked me something
and then i told him the stuff i knew
i know they said smth else but i didnt rmb..
so i told yitian i dont rmb..
but i jus made him feel worse because he feels like im lying to him..
im such a useless person he's alrd feeling unhappy
and im making him more unhappy
......
i really dont know what to do anymore
im going nuts
i cnt do anything about it
i jus suck and hopeless at everythingg
i just cnt get it right
why am i so stupid.
why am i like a small fly compared to everybody else.
im just all alone and nobody really cares
it doesnt matter even if i wave, shout, or jump around
im constantly being ignored and this feeling is terrible
how many times have i felt this wayyy
why am i like that.
my heart is bleeding all the time and nobody just realises it
im non existent to everyone else
it's been like that all the time
am i really such a mean person.
i try to smile
i try to make people happy
but they just ignore me
they walk off.
they dont care.
am i really just a subsitute for everything?
im just useless....
i made panda unhappy. really pissed off.
i made yt angry because i couldnt rmb.
i made yingjia angry because i cnt draw well.
i made suefang guilty cos she couldnt go home with me
( although it wasnt her fault at all )
im really such a horrible person
i make ppl unhappy.
...............
i wish i could be somebody else instead of me.
anybody but me.
i wished i was dead.
i wish somebody knew that i existed.
i wish i wasnt a burden to anybody..
i feel cold although it's 40 degrees outside.
im jus a disgrace to my parents. my sch. my class.
my classmates. my cca. my teachers.
i hate myself for even existing on this world.
im not worthy of anything nice.
im not worthy of being treated nice.
i dont deserve to live.
